i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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