Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
