I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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