I cockslap morals
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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