i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
