I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
