They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
