put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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