He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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