it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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