I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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