failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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