It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
