the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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