everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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