I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
