i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
