Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
