I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
