Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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