Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
