What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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