dude i'm inner monologue high
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
