she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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