We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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