This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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