When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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