dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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