There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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