I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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