i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
