I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
