i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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