i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Let's paint friendship bongs
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
