Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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