Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
