I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
