the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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