Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
