JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
