i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All the doctor said was why
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
