Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
