How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
