I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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