Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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