I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
