whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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