Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
