What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
