you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
