You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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