hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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