he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
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it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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