I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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