i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
