I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just invented taco cereal.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
