just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want to make out with him forever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
