Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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