My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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