im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
