I got chris browned last night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
