that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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