dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
