it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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