for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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