I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
