The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have demons in me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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