So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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