..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
