take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
