I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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