i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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