hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
