i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
