considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i think i just lost a toe
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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