ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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