Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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