it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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